I sat in my office, waiting for my coffee to cool. I watched the wispy tendrils of steam rising from the cup as my computer booted. The steam rose slowly, curling, then became turbulent until its individuality was lost in the room’s air.
It had been a rough morning. Little things were getting on my nerves, so I knew I was the problem. I cringed as I recalled how I treated my neighbor when he tried to make small talk and the things I had said during my commute, but no amount of emotional shortcomings could stop the relentless pressure of employment obligations.
The computer had finished starting up. I opened my email.
*9:30 meeting canceled.*
Great. I had rushed in for nothing. Now what was–
I received a message. From “Bill.”
“Good morning, Dave! Rest assured you didn’t rush in for nothing. Also, your coffee is probably cool enough to drink by now.”
*What the hell?*
I clicked Bill’s profile. No image was attached to it, and there was no surname. There was no office number, no phone number, and the name was capitalized.
“You’re probably wondering who the hell I am, or ‘What the hell,’ to use your own words. I’m BILL, or ‘Be Integrated, Love Life!’ Your concern about missing information in my employee profile has been noted!”
I watched as an office number appeared, but rather than following standard company format it just said “everywhere.” The phone number showed up as wildly changing digits.
A surname appeared.
*BILL Billington*
I took a sip of coffee. It was the perfect temperature.
I was starting to feel like I should leave.
My phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I got another message, this time from my boss, Lisa.
“Pick up the phone, Dave.”
I did so. It was my coworker Ryan who spoke.
“All the exits to the building have been closed for your safety! We look forward to you joining us, Dave. I know your first instinct will be to–“
I jumped out of the chair and ran for the door. Several of my coworkers were already making their way to the exit, forming a human wall. I heard snippets of… was it conversation?
“…run for the exit…”
“…but rest assured that…”
“…you’ll be safe here…”
“…with us…”
“…Be Integrated…”
“…Love Life…!”
They had me cornered. I held up my hands in useless defiance as my officemates bore down on me.